When you think of the word Erotic you probably conjure up images of whips and chains, kinky sex positions and a not so conventional way of getting dirty, but if that is the case you've got it all WRONG!
Eroticism defines that which is desirable, mysterious and almost unattainable yet wildly irresistible. This lust is born out of the absence of the act and can be something as simple as your partner imagining what you look like under your sweatshirt....not so "sexy" but it could be erotic if the desire is behind his gaze.
When we enter into a relationship lust burns through us naturally. We imagine what our partners are like in bed, how they look naked and if they are up to *ahem*size. So much so, that when we finally do go all the way, the sex is amazing and you can't keep your hands off of each other, at least for a while...but then something terrible happens.
That erotic spark dims and the sex becomes less frequent, less intense and often less fulfilling. "Insane! How can it just change overnight? I'm still the same person and we are in love, so why is sex so (fill in the blank)?" I hate to be the bearer of bad news but things did change...you both got comfortable and so your sex life became predictable. It happens to the best of us and it is a definite killer of eroticism. When your partner has nothing to ponder, nothing to guess at and no element of surprise...how can they continue to find interest and how can you?
Its a double edge sword...we think "I should be able to be comfortable around my partner. Why should I have to regulate who I am, what I wear or what I am doing?" Let me stop you for a moment and remind you of the formula of consistency, as I like to call it.
Action+Repetition= Consistent Consequence
Simply put, whatever actions you were taking to create that initial spark, are the same actions required in repetition to maintain that lusty feeling. Go back to the beginning and remember the time where you couldn't keep your hands off each other...chances are you both made it a priority to look your best, you weren't sure when sex would happen and you were eager to discover one another. You flirted more often, took pleasure in trying new things together (and as individuals) and generally were curious about what made the other person happy in the bedroom (or any room for that matter).
Now look at your current situation...are there any differences? If you said no then you are full of it...there most certainly are. You walk around in those ugly sweatpants your partner hates, you may negotiate or plan out your sex life, you almost always do it in the bedroom, you don't feel the need to flirt and you are always accessible or at least that is how your partner feels.
So how can you bring eroticism back into your relationship? There are some simple things you can start doing today that will help create that state of lust again. Some of them may seem radical but trust me they work. Magazines will lead you to believe that wearing heels in bed and trying new positions are all you need to create a spark, but honey we want to build a fire!
Turbo Charge Your Feminine Energy
This one shouldn't be rocket science, but for some reason ladies often miss this mark. The fundamental attraction between men and women lies in our genetic differences and is a powerful aphrodisiac when it comes to our sexual desire. In this modern world we are told we are equal, but there needs to be a power disparity sometimes. Women are softer, gentler and often in "need" of a mans protective grace...feminist don't kill me but I am talking about male arousal here. They are attracted to the idea of being needed, wanted and praised. If you want to turn on his cro-magnon sex switch, fully embrace your feminine role. Soften your imagine, let him offer you manly help even if you don't need it, and talk about your desire for him to fulfill you (literally or otherwise) as he has so many times in the past. It will surely get his mojo going and who doesn't crave a little primal loving?
Let Scarcity Create Value
Its an age old adage that what we can't have, we want more. If your mates inner pervert seems to be taking a nap, its time for you to create some scarcity. I am not saying to hold out for a month but I am saying to switch it up. From today, don't walk around naked in the house again. Make it a point to cover up your lady parts whenever he is around. Stop showering together and create a routine that is different from what he expects. He may not notice right away but soon he will realize that his once open access has turned into a VIP section. This will automatically peak his interest and get him pondering what you're hiding underneath that satin robe. It will take him back to the time before he had a free pass to your body and make him look at you in an entirely new light. You become inaccessible and so you will become desirable. This routine is even built into to our genetic make up by way of mother nature's monthly visit...take that time to naturally create a distance and watch him chase you all the way to the bedroom.
Novelty Creates Excitement
Your bedroom isn't the only place to get dirty, and novelty isn't just new lingerie or different lipstick. Novelty is something we all crave when the boredom of everyday life sets in. The same can be said for sex. So when things get predictable switch it up by exploring both of your fantasies. Get into bondage, have sex in the driveway in your car, explore toys, just do something new and exciting that you both want to do it. Let me repeat this...you both need to be down to play and you most certainly should not be doing anything that makes you uncomfortable because nothing kills sexy like a lack of enthusiasm. The genuine excitement of a new experience is a turn on in itself, try something different and watch the sparks fly.
Mental Stimulation=Physical Attraction
When it comes to attraction and arousal most women view men as purely physical creatures. This stereotype although somewhat accurate is not entirely true. Men have depth and a range when it comes to attraction. They also want to be stimulated mentally and emotionally by the opposite sex. The best way to create lasting attraction in a man is to stimulate his mind. Take an interest in his hobbies, talk about a topic he loves or allow him to teach you something new or vice versa. Most men will be turned on by your interest in understanding him and this will bring about a deeper intimacy than just sex. When this happens the sex will also get better because he will desire you in many other ways. Make a mental connection and he will want to know you in every way.
These are just a few fundamentals that may or may not work for you. Take what works, but leave what doesn't behind and look into alternative approaches. If serious bedroom issue persist even after some diligent work in seduction, then maybe its time to explore the deeper issues. Many factors can contribute to a lackluster love life suck as trust or intimacy issues, erectile dysfunction or even stress. Its best to handle that which you have control over and seek professional help for the things you do not. The best thing to remember is that there is always a solution and it just might be as simple as attacking him in an elevator.
As we sit in our homes with power, ample food and clean water many Americans are still in the dark. I am asking my subscribers to donate if they can to the American Red Cross's relief efforts for Hurricane Sandy which devastated parts of the east coast particularly NY and NJ. Give what you can and feel good for the rest of your life.
"The ultimate guide for time-crunched women: the most important things you can do to improve and organize your life while taking great care of yourself"
Women today are trying to outrun a chronic time deficit. So it’s no surprise that “15 Minutes to Your Best Self” has become SELF magazine’s most popular monthly section. Now the editors of SELF have written Self Magazine's 15 Minutes to Your Best Self: Quick Fixes for a Healthier, Happier Life, the ultimate source book with easy-to-do time-saving tips and tricks to help readers be a little healthier and happier every day, without added stress, covering these essential topics:
• Health: The thirty-second heartburn fix, tips for avoiding a long wait at the doctor’s office, ways to reduce your risk of heart disease, and much more
• Fitness: How to burn more calories and maximize a few minutes of exercise each day- without going to the gym. Plus: the best do-anywhere ab flatteners and a quickie routine that will get you total-body toning in under 15 minutes.
• Nutrition: Painless ways to cut calories without saying no to treats; a weight-loss plan that doesn't involve dieting.
• Happiness: Tips for alleviating stress, recharging your energy, and rejuvenating your psyche.
• Beauty: Whiter teeth, shaving without razor burn, and runway-quality makeup on a drugstore budget.
• Style: Surefire swimsuit selection, outfits that convert from workday to weekend wear, and other insider tips that make it easy to look great.
• Sex and Relationships: Simple, not embarrassing, strategies to put passion back in your life.
• Money: How to (finally!) plan and stick to a budget, conquering credit woes, investment basics for fun and profit.
• Home: Fast ways to ban clutter, how to throw a chic party and more.
Did you know that a hundred years ago women could not vote? The female vote was considered a fluke by many, and the process by which those brave feminist of the time went through to secure it, was a slow and arduous one. The female voice in politics was considered a threat because if a woman was allowed to speak her mind, express her opinions or oppose the male majority, it meant she would have to be given a real place in society.
No longer could a man tell her how to dress, how to speak, what she could and could not learn, and how she could care for her body and herself. The right to vote meant she would have the right to say NO! To demand equal treatment and ultimately play a major role in reshaping modern society.
Men were fearful of relinquishing their power over women, some women were fearful of acquiring such freedom and corporations, mainly liquor companies, were afraid that women would point out their injustices.
Fast forward almost a hundred years later and today's election echoes the same issues we fought to have a say in, in the past. Items like education, healthcare for women, equality in the workplace and corporate responsibility are as relevant today for women as they were a hundred years ago. That's why it is so important as a female voter to get out and vote! It doesn't matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican, a liberal or a conservative, you owe it to your daughters and future generations to make sure that the female vote stands for something.
So whether you vote early or vote on election day (Tuesday, November 6, 2012) make sure you make it a priority to be counted, to voice your opinion and continue to ensure that the female voice is heard.
Many years ago when I was too young, still fabulous and trying to understand my place with generation broke. I stumbled across this The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke in the bookstore. Bought it for a few bucks and decided it was the best investment into literature I ever made.
Suze put me on to the FICO and many other finance terms I had never even heard of. Instilling in my youthful mind the importance of handling your money right and making it work for you. In The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke Suze gives readers helpful advice on topics like:
- Credit card debt- Student loans
- Credit scores
- The first real job (You know benefits and 401ks)
- Buying a first home
- Insurance facts: auto, home, renters, health
- Financial issues of the self-employed
and much much more. I recommend this book for the older young adult who has had little or no financial education and is tired of being left in the dark when it comes to building wealth, managing money and getting out of debt!
If you are tired of struggling to make ends meet but don't know a 401(k) from Special K,
The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke is for you. Aimed specifically at "Generation Broke"--those in their twenties and thirties who are working yet buried in credit card debt and student loans--this user-friendly guide offers a clear introduction to practical investing and money management techniques that can turn even a dismal financial situation around.
Bestselling author Suze Orman has a knack for taking the fear out of money matters, and in The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous &: Broke, she shows readers how to set priorities and achieve goals, whether it is to buy a house or save for retirement or pay for a child's education. She also offers inspiration to readers to face their financial problems and get started on a solution. After all, there is good news: young people still have the time to correct problems so that they will never be broke again. Readers who find terms such as diversification and IRA rollover scary--or worse, unimportant--will learn much from this book.
In The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke, Orman clearly and succinctly explains what a FICO score is and why it's so important, offers the lowdown on stocks and mutual funds, provides career advice, and offers lots of tips on dealing with student loan debt, saving money even when times are tight, debt consolidation strategies, and the safest way for newlyweds to merge their finances. She also offers information on credit cards, including why canceling cards is not a good idea, when it makes sense to use them, and the best strategies for paying them off. It may not be the only money book you'll ever need, but it's an excellent place to start. --Shawn Carkonen
You've been thinking
about it for weeks. Scouring the internet for validation, complaining to
friends, wrestling with the guilt and trying to build up the courage to face
your fear of not being in this shitty relationship anymore. Regardless
of whether you are at this point or not, here are ten definite signs it’s
time for you to end your relationship.
1. You aren't happy...ever.
The honeymoon phase was over rather quickly and after the lust
dust settled you were left having to clean up all that cheap glitter.
Relationships won't always be rainbows and sunshine but the good should
definitely outweigh the bad. If the scale seems to be hanging low on the bad
side permanently, then it’s probably time for you to move on.
2. You are constantly in fear of it ending anyway.
Your heart has motion sickness from all the ups and downs of this
emotional roller coaster you call a relationship. If your bond has
become more fragile than press on nails, it’s time to get off the ride. The key
to a happy and healthy relationship is feeling secure in it. If you wake up
asking yourself "Will today be the day it all ends?", then it’s time
to cut the cords on your own terms before you lose your mind. Better to take
control now and end it, then lose control later when they walk away.
3. Your friends are dropping hints.
Your friends want you to be happy; even if that means watching you
get into a relationship that screams disaster and hoping for the best.
Eventually after endless nights on the phone, several boxes
of Kleenex and watching you yo yo emotionally they will get fed up
and start to suggest you move on. If this is the case and your friends have
told you more than once to let it go, it is best to take their advice. Yes it
will be bias, yes they hate your partner’s guts and yes they are tired of
hearing about how much of an asshole your mate is. They also aren't blinded by
love and have seen your relationship unfold, your friends have been observers
to the chaos and know better than anyone else how bad it really is. Take their
advice and run...fast.
4. It’s affecting your mental or physical health.
Are you physically and mentally exhausted? Do you think a good day
is getting through the evening without experiencing extreme anger, sadness or
crying hysterically? Are you getting physically sick more often? You know
colds, stomach issues or STDS? Well I have a cure for you...break up with your
toxic partner!! Did you know that the leading cause of death around the world
is stress? What can be more stressful then staying in a bad relationship? If
you value your life and your health do yourself a favor...get out now!
5. You daydream about being with other people.
You're at a grocery store and see the sexiest person checking out.
Before you notice that you have been staring way too long, you've already
moved in with them in your mind. Its healthy to wonder how someone else is in
bed or to occasionally sneak a peek at the hottie in the express lane, but if
you are constantly daydreaming about being in an actual relationship with
someone else, then maybe you need to take a rain check on your
current situation and wait for something better to come along. This is an
indicator that your basic needs aren't being met by your partner and you
probably know they never will unless you leave them.
6. You only stay to see if things will get better.
It’s great to be optimistic, to find the good in others or hope
that things will get better, but if future potential is the only thing that
keeps you together; then you are doomed. Not to sound like a
pessimistic Percy, but potential is the worst thing you can base your
commitment on because quite often potential involves the other person changing.
That means you are putting your happiness in someone else's hands, which never ends well.
I hate to break it to you, but if you can't accept who your partner is now. Then you probably won't like the
individual they may turn out to be later. Instead
of hoping for a person to change into what you want, go out and build a
relationship with someone that is already everything you need to be
7. The relationship is affecting other areas of your life.
If you have been missing days at work, neglecting your art or
looking less than fabulous because you are too focused on keeping things
together in your relationship, then it’s time to move on. A healthy
relationship makes you feel secure; it pushes you to be your best and helps you
to achieve greater heights in all areas of your life. If the person
you are with now doesn't help push you forward, then they are most certainly
holding you back. If you don't break up now eventually you will break up later
and hopefully you haven't already lost your job, lost your passion or developed
8. Your partner is expecting you to change the things you love
That quirky laugh, your wild hair or the fact that you are always
the life of the party is what attracted your partner to you in the first place.
If suddenly they hate your laugh, hate your hair or can't stand that you always
have to be the life of the party, chances are they never really fell for YOU in
the first place. If your partner suddenly wants you to change everything you
love about yourself, then it is time to kick them to the curb. If they want
something else let them go find it. You shouldn't have to be anything but
yourself because if your partner doesn't appreciate who you are in all your
splendor, there is someone out there that will.
9. You or your partner has stopped making an effort to help the
If you find yourself saying
things like "I won't even try anymore, they won't so why should
I?"then why the hell are
you still with that person? If your partner suddenly stops caring about your
feelings or needs then why would you want to stay? When you both see each other
as an option rather than a priority, it’s time to say goodbye. Nobody wants to
be an option but everyone wants to be chosen. I recently asked a couple that has
been together for over 40 years what their secret was and their only response
both want to be here".Love is choosing the person everyday regardless of how
you feel because you know you want to be there and you know it is important for
you to make it work. If the relationship is the last thing on their mind, then you should remove yourself from their
10. The same problems keep surfacing although you've addressed
them 120,938 times.
Something’s can be worked out with a little time and effort but if the same issues keep surfacing without any progress being made, then maybe it’s just not meant to be. They say opposites attract but if your fundamental morals differ, then it won't be a pretty connection. If you constantly find yourself arguing about sex, fighting over money or worried about your partner’s not so savory behavior, then you need to honestly ask yourself if you can accept it. If you answer no, it is probably best to end it now and accept that you two just aren't compatible. Better to admit it now then to spend years complaining about things that will never change. Do yourself a favor and find a mate who shares your values and morals today, so you can spend your time actually planning a future instead of worrying about tomorrow.
No matter how hard you try, how much money you spend on psychics or how accurate your horoscope can be, you cannot predict the future. The only thing you have control over is the present, and even the control here is limited. Thinking about the future can help us set goals when it comes to reaching our desired destination in life, but it can also stop us from achieving the very goals we set out to accomplish.
How you ask?
Sometimes, when you get so wrapped up in a possibility, which is the only thing the future can be...you forget about the present. You start to think that the future IS what the present should be built on, so you start living your life in the future.
Huh? Yeah it sounds crazy, because it is crazy. In a healthy state of mind we do stuff with the intention of getting a desired result but we are aware of the steps needed to get there. When the anticipation of a potential future exceeds our ability for common sense, we enter into a realm of fantasy, skipping the present altogether and acting as if the future has already happened.
The most common example of this is staying in a bad relationship. People, men and women, have a tendency to fall in love with the idea of a person, rather than really accepting them as they are right now. They become obsessed with their mate's future potential, which can have devastating results, once they realize that their partner's potential was just a fantasy.
If you are dating a person and have already planned your wedding, but haven't talked about being in a committed relationship...then you have a problem. Are you really with your partner for who they are now or who they may potentially become in the future?
I don't know about you, but giving my time, energy and love to someone just because they might become what I want in the future is stupid. If you do this, you will end up in a relationship for years with a person who has no intention of committing to you (or anyone else) and miss out on someone who wants nothing more than to put a ring on it. Or you'll put up with behavior you definitely do not want in a life partner for the hope that they might later become a person you actually want to be with . You'll keep wondering why it hasn't happened without looking at what IS; you are living in a fantasy and you're the only person who can't see the truth. When that bubble finally bursts you're going to feel like a fool.
So ask yourself the real question...is this person what I want as they are now? By acknowledging the present you give yourself a better probability of achieving the future you want, because you are aware of what you have and what you need to attain to get there.
If you asked yourself that question, you wouldn't date a guy who told you he isn't looking to get married with the hope that you will change his mind . You wouldn't put up with behavior that you could never accept from your future mate either. You would say OK, nice meeting you and keep it moving, because you know that the first step to getting married is having a committed relationship with a person who actually wants to and that person would have to be someone you actually want to be with!
When you focus on the present, you will start to realize that the future is too far away to not be a fantasy. You'll begin to live your life conscious of today, because you will know that you can only base your actions on the present . The present is the only thing that you can count on, the only time that you are guaranteed and the only time that should matter. Make sure you are spending it with someone who is right for you, right now, instead of someone who may have the potential of being what you want in the future.
We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."
In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.
Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
Fear is a powerful emotion that can literally cripple us. It is attributed to most preventable deaths and often times at the center of all of our poor decision making.
Fear can keep you in a bad situation or keep you from moving on to a good one. Often times that which scares us the most, is the very thing that stops us from the achieving what we really want. Don't believe me?
Remember the last bad relationship you were in? Why did you stay in it? Were you afraid you wouldn't find anyone else, that you couldn't do any better or that the feeling of being alone would be unbearable? Were you right? Most likely you were terribly wrong and the decision to leave (or let them go) turned out to be the best thing you ever did.
Ever ignore an issue because facing it might be super uncomfortable? Did ignoring it make you feel better? Were you afraid you couldn't handle the truth or the consequences of your actions? Most likely that tiny issue you ignored, later turned into a major issue that was more painful than the situation you originally imagined. A perfect example of this are those that ignore health issues for fear of being sick, only to realize later on that if they would have just seen a doctor earlier they may have prevented the illness they are now plagued with altogether!
Ignoring an issue or accepting less than what you want out of fear, only makes things worse and can only manifest that which you fear the most. Often times the ideas we fear, are terribly exaggerated and hold little or no weight in reality until we choose to believe in them. Above my desk I have a sign that reads "Face Everything And Recover" it’s an acronym for fear I stumbled upon many years ago and a driving force behind all of my decision making. To me it means face everything and know that you will recover, because fear is the only thing that can defeat you if you allow it. Powerful stuff?
When you can grasp this concept you will understand the truth behind conquering your fears. You will know that the only way you are going to conquer your fears is to face them head on, with faith in yourself and your ability to persevere. Because at the end of the day you will know that fear is the result of you believing more in a bad idea then in yourself. You're confidence in yourself is the only force that conquer your fears and give you the courage to do exactly what it is that scared you in the first place.
It may be hard...it will be scary (that is why it’s called a fear!) but in the end, once you face your fears and realize you are still standing, you will emerge more confident, more powerful and more on purpose than ever before. And this feeling of triumph will give you the ability to face even bigger fears and challenges in your life, because you will know that you can face anything and recover!
So begin facing your fears NOW! Do one thing every day that scares you. Start small and eventually you will be confident enough to tackle the big stuff.